a love letter to reading 💌
And lessons on love from bell hooks
Valentine’s Day is in a couple days and it’s got me thinkin’ about love.
I—and several of my best friends—got married last year. Over the course of several months, I got to witness and experience and celebrate a lot of romantic love. In doing so, throughout the litany of wedding-related events, I also got to revel in some of the most life-affirming, genuine friend love, too.
But today, I want to talk about a different kind of love—the love of a hobby, interest, passion. For me, it probably goes without saying, that’s reading. Reading is one of the great loves of my life. I’ll tell you why.
In All about Love: New Visions by the inimitable bell hooks, she teaches that love is an action, a verb. It’s not just a feeling and it can’t be contained in one genre like romantic or platonic. Love can—and should—permeate every aspect of life. It’s a practice, something that you have to actively choose day in and day out.
To me, the act of reading is an act of love.
Books crack our worlds wide open. Whether we like it or not, we only get to experience this one wild and precious life through our own singular lens. But books widen that aperture. We can read stories of experiences we’ll never have or places we’ll never go.
Books give us glimpses into perspectives different from our own, those glimpses the building blocks of what I believe to be the most essential manifestation of love: empathy. Through books, we walk in others’ shoes, see through their eyes, feel through their hearts. Some of these glimpses may show some pretty hard truths—“love is listening even when it hurts”—and chances are, we’ll be better for it.
Reading offers unending fountains of knowledge and education. Like our teachers and mentors in life, they all have different styles of illuminating information, but they each offer their own unique, valuable lessons all the same.
Like any deep, meaningful relationship, books ask that you give in return, namely your focus and attention. While they aren’t going to give you a hug or grow old with you, books necessitate an open and curious mind and heart, a certain level of attention and care, and a willingness to receive what they have to offer—this is what bell hooks refers to as “living consciously”. Living consciously is thinking critically about ourselves and the world we live in. It brings “awareness that enlightens”, and it is critical to love. Through books, we can exercise, foster, cultivate that awareness.
Whatever level of depth or levity, books offer a safe space, a soft place to land, an escape from reality. Books are entertainment, and they’re also a practice field for feeling. The validation that comes from witnessing your story, your experiences, your feelings reflected on the page in invaluable. The right books give you the gift of feeling deeply seen.
hooks says “Love is an active force leading us into communion with the world”. Relating with someone over common book taste, or even over the love—or hate—of a single book, is so fulfilling. Books are a conduit for connection: “the choice to love is the choice to connect.” The camaraderie and bonds that are built across book clubs, within bookstore and library walls, in online communities (Bookstagram!), and far beyond are all beautiful representations of love.
Books are for everyone—that’s the beauty of them. The democratic nature of the act of reading is what makes it powerful. The option to read and access to books should exist for every human being on planet earth. Dare I say, a fundamental right. One thing I know for sure: banning books is the opposite of love.
hooks explores many facets of love in the book—one being spirituality and specifically, angels. I’ve talked before about how I believe that books can find you exactly when you need them. She says “angels bring us knowledge of how we must journey on the path to love and well-being.” They are our “enlightened witnesses”. Book can be angels.
At the core of All about Love is a refrain we’ve all heard time and time again: you can’t love anyone or anything well without loving your self first. “Self love is the foundation of our loving practice.” Unfortunately, we live in a society that isn’t always conducive to cultivating that foundation. One of the most resonant, clarifying aspects of this book is hooks’ exploration of all the forces at play in our society that are in direct opposition to love—fear, shame, patriarchy, power, capitalism, the list goes on—creating a world where practicing this self-love can feel like an uphill battle.
Love is how we fight against that. Expanding your mind is a significant act of self-love. It’s an investment in and commitment to yourself. Reading helps shape our understanding of ourselves within a broader context. It can help us develop our own points of view. It can put up a mirror, helping us see and envision our best selves and imagine all the possible paths our lives could take. Self-love is an inside job that takes vulnerability and dedication. But bell hooks explains why it’s valiant work that’s worth doing—“genuine love is a personal revolution”.
Whether it’s with a partner, a friend, a passion, or in a book, I hope you seek love today, on Valentine’s Day, and every day for the rest of time. Because after all, as the great bell hooks says: “love is our true destiny”.
“If there were nothing else, reading would—obviously—be worth living for.”
— Nuala O'Faolain, quoted in All about Love
Some of my great loves…
Along with All about Love, there are a few pivotal books that have played a big part in my love for reading. These expanded my mind, taught me, guided me, made me feel in new and deeper ways. Some classics, some contemporary—through these, I fell deeper and deeper in love with reading.
I read The Giver and The Great Gatsby in school. Among the other dense slogs that were required, these were refreshing, momentous reading experiences that I still vividly remember and cherish. You can read more about my experience with Fates and Furies here. I’ve read The White Album 3 times and it feels like a new experience every time. I’ll never not be in awe of Joan. Read more of my thoughts on the others in the reviews below.
Until next time—happy V Day, lovers!
